PHP seems to be back up on the UPL server, but my old blog still doesn't work, as the permissions on the database tables weren't preserved in the upgrade. I still have SSH access to the UPL and would fix them myself, but they seem not to have user authentication up for aftermath, where the database lives, so I can't go fix it myself.
The media section on the old blog would just pull the newest five items from a table with two columns: ASIN and a date. The ASIN can then be used to make two URLs: one for the image of the item and one for the link. Amazon, kindly, has them all standardized.